Succession
#1
She’s all ready for bed, though she still has a few hours before
sleep. Pajama bottoms, ratty tank top,
freshly washed face, messy bun. Facebook
to check and laundry to do, and she’s the one to get it all done.
“Did you not like my music?” she
asks a roommate.
A vague reply and a question in
return.
“No, I don’t care what we listen
to.” She finishes the conversation. So not going there.
#2 She knows that she’s behind, and
she’s pretty stressed about it. So what
does she do? The headphones go in, and
her project comes out. She sits in front
of it and works away. She only stops
every once in a while to pop some more food in her mouth. Facebook is by her side, but she’s not paying
much attention to it. She swings from
one end of the spectrum to the other – changing her face from deeply concerned
(brows creased and biting her lip), to carefree (tapping her foot to the music
and giggling at something on her computer screen). Swinging from one end of the spectrum to the
other.
#3 Rushing to her shelf, she rustles
through a stack of papers. “Now this is
getting annoying.” Without being asked,
she continues, “I can’t find my paper!” After checking a few loose papers, she
grabs a stack and sits down with it, turning them furiously, stopping only to
inspect and reject. She pushes the stack
from her lap, strewing it across her bed.
Her legs swing over the mattress and rest on the floor. Her head falls into her hands and she
sniffs.
“Are you crying?” asks a
roommate.
“No.”
“Yeah you are.”
“No, this time I’m really not.” She lifts her head from her hands to prove
the fact.
Messaging her temples, she sits for
a few minutes before picking up a loose paper by her side. “There it is!”
These vignettes have a very true-to-life feel, very much the sense of observed reality. I could see each of them as a movie intro scene--one character, three different years or three characters in different dorm rooms introduced all at once. Might even be a movie I'd want to see!
ReplyDeleteThese three definitely stand and work without prompting from the writer--so, for me, that last graf is an unnecessary afterthought.
Okay, I can take the last bit off. Does it really not need the differentiating of the years?
ReplyDeleteOr maybe if I put a header to them, beside their numbers? (Like, #1 - Freshman, etc.)
ReplyDeleteI don't know, I guess I just like seeing the succession, but maybe it's seen without the actual names.
Title it "Succession"?
ReplyDeleteYes! That works.
ReplyDelete