College Composition
By Danielle Vine
Beech trees are known for their
wide leaves, with veins that crinkle the skin of the leaf, leaving little
ridges for rain to run down. These woods
are full of Beech trees, so when it starts to rain, I know I’ll be getting
wet. In books and movies, people always
run under a tree and are magically saved from getting soaked, but that’s just ignorant
story telling from someone who hasn’t actually been out here. In fact, sometimes it can be worse under a
tree, because those big leaves will fill up and then dump on you all of a
sudden.
The snowmobile trail that I’m on is
overgrown. All spring and what summer
we’ve had so far has been full of sunshine and rain, perfect weather for
undergrowth. Why did I wear my
shorts? I know the answer, my hiking khakis
were in the wash. But now my legs are
all torn up from hostile raspberry bushes, and saplings that bend and whip as I
pass.
The rain is picking up, but I’m
almost there. The trail curves upward
and away from me, but the trail is irrelevant now. I climb down the side of the hill, leaving
the trail behind me. I choose my footing
carefully, and don’t allow my momentum to build. If I let myself descend as quickly as gravity
would dictate, then the landing would be far from pleasant. The slope is slippery. Every patch of dirt is turning to mud, and
every rock is rejecting the rainfall and allowing it to pool up, creating no safe
surface for my descent.
I do reach the bottom safely
though, and set my feet on a bed of leaves.
They are little basins for rainwater now, and my hiking shoes are soaked
through. I wade through the leaves that
come to the middle of my calves, and curse the valley and its ideal location
for storing dead leaves from years past.
Finally, I come to the place I had
set out to find. My hair is soaked,
hanging in a tangled mass, with water dripping off the ends. But that’s behind me, and there in front of
me is the fort.
I can still remember the day we
built it. My big sister, who always got
us lost in the woods until I decided to lead, and I. Just the two of us, pretending to be lost
forever on a desert island. I love the
ability that children have to believe.
Once we grow older, we find all the answers we’ll ever need, and we
decide that belief and wonder are things that children do. I suppose exposure to the world breeds
mistrust and doubt, but in those days we were innocent, and truly free. Logic was irrelevant. Tell us that desert islands rarely have beech
forests on them, and we would disregard you.
Tell us that our first priority once stranded would be water or food,
not shelter, and we would probably nod and then simply continue building our
fort.
This was what we had come up
with. I bend down and grab one of the
slimy wet logs that had fallen from the lean-to and was lying on the
ground. Carefully, I place it in the
gap that it had left, and then walk around to the other side. Our lean-to is built against a large
boulder that is covered in moss.
I creep around to the inside of the
fort, and crouch on my knees. I had
made it to the safety of our leaky fort just in time for the rain to stop. The dripping would go on for a while though –
another drawback of escaping rain by diving for trees. The ground inside the fort was still somewhat
clear. Even though the fort was built on
the floor of the forest, my sister and I insisted on making it our home by making
brooms out of ferns and grasses, and sweeping the tiny space. And of course, we made the brooms before we
found food and water sources. They were
much more important.
My ankles are getting sore from my
position, so I lean back against the rock.
It was wet from the rain, but I'm wetter, so I don’t care. The rain only makes the hot July atmosphere
more humid and hard to breathe, so I run my hand along the stone and drink in
the cold through my palms.
My hand runs along a crack, and I
remember my sister’s words. She had
told me that this crack was the safest place in the world – here hidden away,
and secret. So she had put our locket in
there. I turn around in the small
space and peer into the hole. But
nothing is there, and I walk away with empty hands.
As I said in class, I like very much your idea of putting yourself in nature as you describe a sodden beechwoods.
ReplyDeleteThere are two ways to look at the relationship of mankind and nature: the secular or the religious. The secular view is that mankind is merely part of nature, subject to all of its laws, not distinct. The religious sees mankind as special, apart from ordinary nature, not facing the extinction nature regularly exacts from all living things, having a different fate than everything else in creation.
I think that which view one holds has got to affect one's writing about nature. Here you are approaching the issue:
"I love the ability that children have to believe. Once we grow older, we find all the answers we’ll ever need, and we decide that belief and wonder are things that children do. I suppose exposure to the world breeds mistrust and doubt, but in those days we were innocent, and truly free. Logic was irrelevant."
And that leaves your attitude ambiguous, whatever beliefs you have and espouse. I have no objection to ambiguity, nor should any reader with any sophistication.
I thought your last graf was quite beautiful, very much what I am after in 162 week 11. The locket in the crack, the missing locket in the crack of safety--says so much, but of course, in line with the ambiguity you already offer the reader, what it says and what it means is forever a mystery.
Here's a last thought. The only material I didn't like in this piece is that material I quote above. Too quick a gear shift in my opinion, too much the writer losing the threads of feeling, memory, and observation and dropping back into the default setting of ideas. But the writer gets ideas across best when they are not squarely placed before the reader.
The last graf offers us the same idea, but in a different (and IMO) better way than we get in the quotation.
So, you must wonder why I both praise and undercut that quoted material! For the same reason that the safest place on earth does not contain the locket.
My wife loved this, especially the brooms and the fact that it was all wet and not one of pieces all about 'the glorious golden sunshine pouring through the whispering green leaves.'
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