Wednesday, September 26, 2018

sometimes

Sometimes there are nightmares. Sometimes there are grandfathers on lawnmowers who get hit by SUV’s, brain matter on the pavement. And even though he came to us, sometimes we lose.  All I can wonder is, the granddaughter who was riding on the back of the mower - will she remember it all when she wakes? I pray she does not.

Sometimes there are women, with no one listed as their nok or emg, who lose their unborn child.  Five months old is not old at all. Sometimes I close myself in the locker room for a moment, chin tilted back, blinking fast so I don’t cry. I blame lack sleep, I’m usually tougher than this.

Sometimes 18 year old girls come in drunk. And pregnant. And I get so angry. Sometimes DOE’s stay DOE'd all day, unresponsive between CT and surgery, and I agonize over who’s out there looking for them.  Sometimes active heart attack patients leave AMA so they can shoot up - to calm themselves down - when they should’ve gone to surgery.  And then they come back hoping no damage has been done.  Sometimes they're wrong.

But then, sometimes there are babies.  Sometimes I walk up to the seventh floor, and she doesn’t even hesitate - just picks up the five pound sleeping bundle and places her in my arms.  I wonder if there’s any better feeling in the world?  She’s perfect and innocent and clean.

In a world with great tragedies happening only a few floors below great joy and wonder, all I can feel is grateful. Grateful that this little child has hope in God’s grace, no matter where this life takes her. I pray she’ll find you.

And sometimes, they do.