He does work a lot, he's a good provider.
You said you wished you were in my position, that the time I spend with my family is a rare gift.
It is a gift. And I am thankful - truly. I love my family and the days are joyful and spent in good company. Many are alone and facing much worse than I am - I see this. I pray for these people, it's all I can do.
You said there isn't a good reason for the separation in the first place, that the world is overreacting.
I can't even listen to this fully, I can't dwell on the betrayal it makes me feel.
Because you see, yesterday our son recognized my voice for the first time. His face lit up when I spoke to him - just the latest in the endless string of new developments. He coos, trying to speak to me. And it was such a wonderful moment, such a big milestone, but all I could think was that he won't recognize his father's voice by the time we're back together.
He's so little, once we're back together he'll relearn his father's voice and face quickly. They have years of bonding ahead of them. But please, don't tell me we're not losing something in all of this. Because we are. And it's okay to recognize that.
Because we love each other and our son. And sometimes love requires difficult decisions. Christ is our ultimate example of love and sacrifice. I’m so grateful for a Savior who knows and understands, no matter the hurt.
Hebrews 4
14 Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession.
15 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.
16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in the time of need.
You said there isn't a good reason for the separation in the first place, that the world is overreacting.
ReplyDeleteI can't even listen to this fully...
With friends like that, who needs enemies!
I know you've read your Bible and know how Job's so-called comforters were just concern-trolling him, basically giving him mean little lectures on how much he must have displeased God to be so miserable.
I know that reactions to the pandemic control measures have become politicized--perhaps because leadership has at various time contradicted itself about the seriousness of CV-10. (I notice, for example, that the Kushner family is traveling to NJ this weekend for a large family Passover; meanwhile the government they advise continues to warn ordinary citizens against travel or large group gatherings.)
So, to some extent, depending on your worldview, leadership has made it possible to believe that everything is ready to go back to normal or that we're facing a long hard battle ahead.
You and your husband, of course, have the ultimate responsibility for your son. He is no part of these CV-19 debates. He depends on you to keep him safe. You could probably drive him around in a car without a car seat--you likely would not crash, but the world would call you negligent if you did. And it's possible that the three of you could all be together without harm--but if there were harm (and the chance of harm is not trivial), you would rightly be seen as negligent.
You are doing the right and responsible (and hard) thing.
And...nice piece of writing that segues so neatly from Job's comforters to Solomon to Jesus.
CV-19 not CV-10--my typo and early morning fingers.
ReplyDeleteAnd allow me to be my own editor! "He depends on you to keep him safe. You could probably drive him around in a car without a car seat--you likely would not crash, but the world would call you negligent if you did."
What I meant was: "He depends on you to keep him safe. You could probably drive him around in a car without a car seat--you likely would not crash, but even if you never crashed the world would still call you negligent."
You're right - if anything did happen, it would be easy to see where my husband and I went wrong. We are responsible for his well being, so we have to take the most careful measures we can while there are so many unknowns regarding this virus, its spread, and how Maine will fare in the coming weeks.
ReplyDeleteI think for many people, perhaps especially in Maine, the whole pandemic feels hypothetical. If no one they know has contracted the virus, and they ignore what has happened in Italy and NYC (and many other places), then I guess it could be easy to say that my husband and I are over-reacting and there's no need to worry about anything. But for my husband and I, it isn't hypothetical. He has actually treated CV-19 patients and we actually have a baby in our household. It's different when it's real and immediate in your life.
I go to various convenience stores in my corner of Waldo County, not that eager to hit Belfast Hannaford. Some of the stores only allow x number of people in at a time, have all the employees masked, are wiping down carts, etc.
ReplyDeleteOthers obviously sneer at my mask, rub elbows and asses in the aisles, are not wiping stuff down, think it's all nonsense. The one I am particularly thinking of touts itself as a 'family' grocery store. Phew, not my family, thanks.