What
do you do when, right in the middle of the whirlwind of your day to day, you come face to
face with your Demas? I thought I’d
faded from your life for good, I thought the scars you left had been washed
from my skin long ago.
But
I walked right up to you, not knowing it was you, and I was halfway through my
first sentence before it registered in my mind who you were.
I’ve
been very angry at you before. But I don’t
really wish for anyone to come visit me at work. Not really.
I
met your eyes and instantly I knew you recognized me. I recognized you too, and then I glanced at
the patient. The woman you’d chosen over
me. Over the little ones. Over all of us. And your eyes were filled with worry over
her.
I
did my job and left, surprised at how the scars throbbed. My old wounds ached, but I was surprised at
how I ached for you, too.
The inner war began – I was angry that I was sad for you. Why should I be? This woman was your sin. And then I was angry at my own unrighteous anger. I should be better. Christ did not die so that I could live in such childish sin.
The inner war began – I was angry that I was sad for you. Why should I be? This woman was your sin. And then I was angry at my own unrighteous anger. I should be better. Christ did not die so that I could live in such childish sin.
So
when I passed by again, on purpose this time, I smiled my trademark sad,
apologetic smile and asked if there was anything I could do. All I could see was your exhaustion, your worry, your fear. You just shook your head, thanked me, and
turned away. I
wanted more.
But
I then again, I’ve been wanting more from you since you left.
Any piece that sends me scuttering off to look up a reference must have something going for it!
ReplyDeleteThis could almost be Paul's internal monologue after meeting Demas after some time, but it also reminds me of pieces you've written, ones where the relationships were never quite clear to me, about a relative, a broken marriage, a family shattered, a faith betrayed--and this could also be, perhaps, something in that line.
And, of course, it's also a hospital intake tale.
ReplyDeleteThere you are sitting at your desk, apparently just getting insurance details and DOBs and stuff but secretly mulling Paul's epistles....
The latter of your suggestions is the case with this piece. It isn’t purely a contemporary retelling of the Paul/Demas fallout, but the correlation was too strong in my mind to ignore.
ReplyDelete