Monday, April 24, 2017

My heart and the words

Words are everything.

Oh, my darling, use yours carefully.  Because once said they can't be taken back.  And no matter how I try, I can't forget them.  I carry the curse of remembrance and once something is put in my little head it won't go away, no matter how I scrub.  I know you're hurting and so am I but please know that lives rise and fall on words, written and spoken.

Whenever I think of your words, my chest constricts and I'm startled by the hurt.  Every single time it startles me - the hurt.  You'd think I'd be used to it by now.

I don't want regrets, but it's too late now, there are too many words.

Life isn't a game.  No matter how many kind things are said to mend, the words spoken to break are stronger.  They cut deeper and they're easier to let fly.

Next time, perhaps our words will be a little kinder.  Perhaps we'll reach inside and use an bit of extra understanding that we couldn't find before.  It's so easy to slip, but I hope that we'll find the strength to stand.

2 comments:

  1. I grew up thinking that every problem had to be talked out and processed. But Jean grew up thinking 'least said, soonest mended.'

    Eventually, I mostly came around to her way of thinking because the talking could be painful without being particularly fruitful and because if things were left unsaid, then time had its way of healing all wounds. (Whereas words, as you indicate, can keep things from ever being forgotten or glossed away.)

    So, the young me might have argued: you are leaving possible misunderstandings or disagreements unexamined. That will undermine your relationship! A couple has to understand everything about each other!

    The older me thinks that too much honesty can be what sinks a relationship and that the truest test of understanding is not words but a common life together and a long shared history.

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  2. I agree.

    I don't always think honesty is the problem though - sometimes I think it's what comes after. Once the blood is pumping and the need to be right sets in, I think it's all too easy to say things that aren't true, or that are a skewed version of the truth.

    Instead, if we choose the kinder true words (which may seem more difficult) those tend to lead to peace. I think peace is one of the greater things to strive for, especially in a relationship that's valued.

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