Wednesday, March 15, 2017

The Anchor, Sinking

     Years ago, when my ship drifted lonesome and without direction, I yearned for you.  I yearned for something, anything really, that could ground me and give me rest from this ceaseless tossing about and being tossed upon the seas. There were many times when I was almost thrown overboard - when I almost lost my necklace (my only possession) and yet I did not die.
     At last, I found you.  You were an anchor and when I fastened you to my ship, things changed.  At first I was skeptical, thinking that you would be of no use.  I had been drifting for too long - too long.  But when I lowered you into the waves and set you in your place, my drifting stopped.  I was finally able to make sense of this sea that I was traveling upon, and I knew where I needed to go and how to get there.
     Peace found a home in my little ship.
     Then, unbeknownst to me, a storm gathered just beyond the horizon.  I ignored the distant thunderings, judging them to be some trick of the night sky, some gull's cry contorted by the wind - nothing else.  When the storm struck, I was caught unawares.  So long had I been at peace, I forgot how to look for storms.
     The waves crashed and the thunder broke over me.  Again and again the sea tried to wreck us and I feared for my little ship and the anchor I had begun to call my friend.  At last, the inevitable happened, and my ship's hull was broken upon the rocks.  We were smashed to pieces when you, my anchor, failed and our ship drifted to dangerous waters.
     Too late to save all else, and in a frenzy not to lose you, I detached you from the ship's broken pieces and held onto your chain.  I was torn from the ship and I held onto you, and you alone.  But with no ship left to stand on, you, my Anchor, betrayed me.  By holding onto your chain, you dragged me down, down, down to the shadowy depths, battering me against the rocks as we sunk.  When we came to rest with a sandy thud on the ocean's floor, I noticed a calm that had not been present in the storm that still raged above.  Here, grasping your chain, there was no wind or rain or jagged rocks.
     Here, the storm was in my lungs.  They began burning with need - need for air and breath and life.  Danger flashed inside my mind, and I gripped your chain and swam towards the surface with all my might. But I could not move you.  You would not budge, and so I could not move while holding on to you.
     Darkness edged into my mind and I looked to you, saltwater burning my eyes. Dark shapes loomed in the murky depths.  I knew that to stay would be the end of me, yet leaving you was too full of sorrow and regret.
     In a moment, I let go and swam upwards, towards the storm, and sorrow, and regret.
     Breaking the water's surface, I found a piece of my beloved ship and I clung to it, letting the storm's merciless power drag us far away from you.  Yet, I was too tired and empty to care much whether we weathered this storm or not.  A different kind of peace that looked more like defeat came over me.

     Finally, after time had passed and no longer seemed to hold meaning, I felt the warmth of the sun again.  The storm was over and I thought I could see land on the blue and hazy horizon, but it could have been my weary eyes fooling me with hope.
     I remembered you, my anchor, and how I left you behind.  There was nothing for me now, all I had left was my one possession.  With one hand, I clutched the albatross necklace that hung about my neck, and with the other I held on to the only remaining piece of my little ship.  It was all I had left to keep me afloat.

6 comments:

  1. Danielle, this is the saddest stuff in the world, but for my money a prose poem is not the way to present it to a page--only a slow percolation into an eventual piece of fiction can do that.

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  2. Sometimes I'll say to someone offering false help and hope, 'You'd throw an anchor to a drowning man,' and a lot of times people don't get it because they think of anchors as at all times good. Whereas you know well as both a boater and then as a lifeguard that the darned things are not likely to buoy a drowning soul.

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  3. I'm a little confused. This piece is the prose poem? And you think it would be better culminated in a novel or short story? To actually say that a friend is a friend not an anchor, and a ship is your day to day life, not a ship?

    I think you're probably right, the more time you invest in a story the more you can feel a part of it. And when events like this happen to characters you care about, it cuts you too.

    And I agree about the anchors. People so often refer to their loved one as their anchor and while I can appreciate the sentiment, it has always seemed a bit dreadful to me for them to use that term.

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  4. Prose poem? Of course. You're taking a metaphor and squeezing and twisting every possibility from it, and you're doing it in aid of capturing something almost ineffable. Sounds like a poem to me.

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  5. Okay, I see. I wasn't sure since I was fictionalizing this a bit... I guess I expected you to ask me to be more non-fictiony. But when you said it needed to be more fictional, I had to be sure what you meant.

    Themes like these do tend to make good themes for books.

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  6. If you wanted to be more non-fictiony (that is to say, more personal), I know you could be and would be. But, good heavens, I'd never ask you to.

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