Dear Friend,
How did we come to this? I now understand why people say, "it just didn't work out between us." Sometimes the problems are so varied and confusing and sad that you can't do any better than a vague and cliche statement.
But I'll try to do better.
I wasn't hesitant to hand you my pieces. The others had all paired off and I was alone, you were a friend that I both wanted and needed. I marveled that I found a soulmate in you - our backgrounds were so different. Every time you gave me a glimpse into your past, I wanted to gather you, embrace you, and tell you that you were enough. You did the same for me.
And sure, you had flaws. I knew that from the start. Demonstrative, arrogant, foolish, selfish, needy, vain. But wasn't I all those things, too? If you listed anyone by only their faults (without the lens of love or understanding) then of course they would look like a monster.
We always said that we never would be those people - the ones that grow apart. But I guess everyone tells themselves that sort of thing. Why else would we stay in a relationship, unless we thought it would last?
But people make mistakes. People change, and now I cry when I read our old letters.
Somehow, our running conversation began developing holes. We stopped talking about important things. I became the third or fourth person you'd tell big news to.
And you made a mistake.
Sometimes I think this is just a lull, that we can't really be over. Not us. Not really. But some choices can't be taken back.
I don't know what I can offer you. I don't know if we'll be friends two years from now. I don't know why you chose her over me. I don't know if you knew what you were doing at the time.
I don't know much these days.
Your mother used to say that we were made for each other - that our souls were knit together like those two friends in the Bible. Maybe we weren't. Maybe I should have been killed in battle sooner so that I wouldn't have to outlive our friendship. Maybe I was convenient for you at the time, but your older friends are enough for you now.
We were quite something though, weren't we? I thought we were.
Sincerely,
Jonathan
I looked up 'David and Jonathan' on Wiki--too lazy to get my KJV out this morning. I thought this might interest you:
ReplyDeleteJewish interpretation[edit]
"The sages characterized the relationship between Jonathan and David in the following Mishnah:
“Whenever love depends on some selfish end, when the end passes away, the love passes away; but if it does not depend on some selfish end, it will never pass away. Which love depended on a selfish end? This was the love of Amnon and Tamar. And which did not depend on a selfish end? This was the love of David and Jonathan. (Avot 5:15)"[10]
Rabbi Shimon ben Tzemach Duran (Spain, North Africa 14th-15th century) delineated the significance of this mishnah:
“Anyone who establishes a friendship for access to power, money, or sexual relations; when these ends are not attainable, the friendship ceases…love that is not dependent on selfish ends is true love of the other person since there is no intended end.” (Magen Avot – abridged and adapted translation)[10]
After some thought, I don't think I believe this. I think if David and Jonathan's friendship was white, then most assuredly Amnom and Tamar's was black, but there must be some grey friendships in the in-between.
ReplyDeleteCases of people moving away and the friendship slowly dissolving over time. Times when only one person had poor intentions, so the friendship was tainted grey by mixing the white and black attitudes that the respective people brought into the friendship. Cases of people changing, because as I've grown I'm seeing that people have a tendency to do that.
I'm not sure, and maybe I'm arrogant or foolish to contradict the sages and the rabbis, but it seems (though comfortingly straight-forward) overly-simplified.
Don't you worry--being a rabbi was and is all about arguing what things mean, and you can't have an argument if everyone agrees.
ReplyDeleteI think the rabbis you disagree with would take your very good arguments seriously and respond with respect, both in the religious aspect as laid out in the Bible and in how that might apply to daily and ordinary relationships. Obviously, the point of argument is not argument for its own sake but in order to better understand God, be closer to God, and to live the life God wants for people. The understanding comes about by debate in the free marketplace of ideas, not by some person saying they know all the answers already.