Someday

Sometimes I get tired.  Just plain old tired.  Tired of dealing with things, tired of being a big girl, tired of juggling schedules, tired of hiding my tiredness.  I want to do all of these things, and it is in my nature to do all of these things (with one hand tied behind my back sometimes), but that doesn’t change the fact that sometimes late at night I just find myself tired.

I know it isn’t brave to say this.  I know that the brave thing to do is to keep on dealing, being, juggling, and hiding without complaint.  But why else do we write than to learn and to grow and expose the truth?  So I shall strive to write what I am about to with the aim to grow, and not the aim to vent.

But see, there’s something that keeps me going.  When I’m up until midnight working on a friend’s project and I still have writing that I want to do for myself before I head to bed, but I have to get up at five the next morning so I decide to call it a night (for a completely random, non-specific example...) sometimes a single thought pops up in my head and smooths over the roughness of the day.

Someday it won’t be like this.  Someday, I will have nothing to do all day except things that fill me up as I have never been filled.  Someday there will be no more tears, no more darkness, no more pain.  Someday I will be in Heaven.

The atheist points at this as weakness.  I suppose it is.  I am weak.  Aren’t we all though?  Can any of us really say honestly that we can handle everything that this life throws at us?  Take a peek at the suicide rates in America before you get back to me on that one.  Handling everything is terribly hard sometimes.

But someday, everything will be taken care of without exhaustion or worry.  I won’t have to deal with things, measure up to standards, juggle schedules, or wear a mask.  I will simply be praising God, and laughing, and talking with believers, and loving my Creator.  For hours and hours on end I’ll be doing these things, in a world that has no time.  A scary thought yes, but also an awe-inspiring one.

I’m not suicidal.  God gave me a great life that I am determined to try to please Him with.  But Heaven is going to be amazing, and I am anxious for it.

John 16:33

These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.